I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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