my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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