o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
