I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
