my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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