She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
