Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
