hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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