I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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