I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
