he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
