u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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