I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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