She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
