the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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