Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
