Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
