I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
