I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
how does that bad decision feel?
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