So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize