heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
