:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
