He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
