I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
