I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
