My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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