I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
