We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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