Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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