I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
