Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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