I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
