So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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