i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
