I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
