woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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