he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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