He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
