he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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