I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
