How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize