Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
