Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
