i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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