I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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