you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize