I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
