His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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