oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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