He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
