She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
