Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
