My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
