Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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