Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
