The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love having hate sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
