I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize