Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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