i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dicks are not precious.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
