My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
