So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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