Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't deserve a penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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