My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
