Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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