She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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