Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize