I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
