so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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