Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
