Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
