You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
