I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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