i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
