either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
