my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i now understand why vodka
I am available for nakedness
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
