would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
