His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
