I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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